"A merry heart does good, like medicine; but a broken spirit dries the
bones." (Proverbs 17:22NKJV)
Humor is one of the most important elements of a good marriage. It actually
begins when we meet and start dating. It is a crucial building block of the
relationship. Without it, we rarely find someone attractive or desire to be
with them. With it, we become friends who enjoy being with each other. Laughter
lights up our hearts with hope, trust and goodwill.
For most people, a sense of humor is one of the most important qualities they
desire in a spouse. When a marriage is good, we laugh and have fun. It
doesn't mean we aren't having challenges in other areas of the relationship. It
just means that in spite of our problems, we haven't lost our ability to see
the bigger picture and trust God.
When Crystal and I first met, we loved being together and we laughed a lot.
Both of us have a good sense of humor and it has always been an important
part of our relationship. Even after 6 years of marriage, we still laugh as much
as we always have. Crystal is the funniest and most entertaining person I
know. She keeps me from getting too serious, well, at least most of the time.
The only time in our marriage when we weren't laughing is when we were having
serious problems right after we got married. The more serious our problems
got, the more we fought and the less we laughed. The entire spirit of our home
changed. After the Lord began healing our marriage I remember the first time
we started laughing and joking again. I didn't realize how long it had been
or how important it was until it was reborn in our relationship.
My advice to every spouse and couple is to understand the importance of
laughter and having fun together. As Proverbs says, it is like medicine, but when
it stops your spirit dries up. Here are some of the enemies of humor that
you must watch out for:
* Negative thinking and talking
* Unforgiveness and bitterness
* Sarcasm and humor that wounds each other
* Working too much and ignoring your marriage
* Taking yourselves too seriously
* Not trusting in God; Doubt; Worry; Unbelief
I encourage you to work at having fun. I know that may seem like a
contradiction but it isn't. If humor and having a good time is no longer a regular
feature in your marriage you have to purpose to make it happen. It might be that
your relationship has become mundane and boring and you don't desire to be
with each other the way you once did.
There is nothing wrong with you that a little Godly fun can't cure.
Remember, it's like medicine. Just like when you were dating, find something to do
that you both enjoy and do it regularly. Make it a discipline for the sake of
your marriage. You'll find that in the midst of laughing together the world
looks much better and the wounds of life heal much faster.
Blessings,
John
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Is There a Difference Between NT Believers and Modern Christians
Here's a great question posed by a friend.
What does the re-awakened man now living in his created purpose look like to you? How does that compare to the godly man of the NT?
That's a great question.
I think they look strikingly similar. I don't see any difference in the way people sin now than in their day and certainly the image of God hasn't changed. Actually Christ was the first Spirit filled man, at least I believe that he set his divinity aside and did everything in the power of the Holy Spirit, so all healings and miracles He did we could also. In His own words, all that and more.
There are two giant distinctions between Christ and anyone who came after. 1) Christ was perfect and we will forever be dependent on him for salvation. 2) Christ's mission included sacrifice for all mankind and ours is scaled back from that considerably.
I think we get caught up in strange ideas about Christ, and the entire trinity, and we loose focus on what we are to be about. For one thing we forget the Christ didn't dress up to talk to people. He didn't try to have 5,000 people follow Him, he was just here for a handful of intimate relationships, who in turn would effect the rest of the world. In other words his death was for all of us but his living ministry was mainly about those who walked intimately with Him. He blessed everyone around him who had needs because that was his nature, but that wasn't the focus of his ministry. He merely lived in the image of his father through relationship, and as example to his close friends through relationship.
When we follow that example and concentrate first on who we are in Christ, which is what God always intended for us, and second on what it means to have Christ in us, which is to walk in restoration and healing especially in the context of our intimate friendships. If we do that we will bless everyone we come in contact with and in fact we will heal people we don't contact directly through their relationship with people we know and love.
Much of Christianity today focuses on the life improvements that come from Godly living and fail to acknowledge the need for deep personal relationships, which is where ministry is really effective. Institutional Christianity doesn't preclude close friendships but it doesn't require them either. When we try to bless people or set them free through an institution we often breed dependence. It's not completely ineffective, but it could be better.
So I'd say the biggest difference between the new testament man and modern re-awakened man is that most men these days work institutionally and not relationally.
A. R. Bunch
What does the re-awakened man now living in his created purpose look like to you? How does that compare to the godly man of the NT?
That's a great question.
I think they look strikingly similar. I don't see any difference in the way people sin now than in their day and certainly the image of God hasn't changed. Actually Christ was the first Spirit filled man, at least I believe that he set his divinity aside and did everything in the power of the Holy Spirit, so all healings and miracles He did we could also. In His own words, all that and more.
There are two giant distinctions between Christ and anyone who came after. 1) Christ was perfect and we will forever be dependent on him for salvation. 2) Christ's mission included sacrifice for all mankind and ours is scaled back from that considerably.
I think we get caught up in strange ideas about Christ, and the entire trinity, and we loose focus on what we are to be about. For one thing we forget the Christ didn't dress up to talk to people. He didn't try to have 5,000 people follow Him, he was just here for a handful of intimate relationships, who in turn would effect the rest of the world. In other words his death was for all of us but his living ministry was mainly about those who walked intimately with Him. He blessed everyone around him who had needs because that was his nature, but that wasn't the focus of his ministry. He merely lived in the image of his father through relationship, and as example to his close friends through relationship.
When we follow that example and concentrate first on who we are in Christ, which is what God always intended for us, and second on what it means to have Christ in us, which is to walk in restoration and healing especially in the context of our intimate friendships. If we do that we will bless everyone we come in contact with and in fact we will heal people we don't contact directly through their relationship with people we know and love.
Much of Christianity today focuses on the life improvements that come from Godly living and fail to acknowledge the need for deep personal relationships, which is where ministry is really effective. Institutional Christianity doesn't preclude close friendships but it doesn't require them either. When we try to bless people or set them free through an institution we often breed dependence. It's not completely ineffective, but it could be better.
So I'd say the biggest difference between the new testament man and modern re-awakened man is that most men these days work institutionally and not relationally.
A. R. Bunch
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Another response to an online forum post.
Yep there is an interesting paradox at work here and Paul does a good job of getting at it.
I think this is the big difference between what I promote and the prosperity preachers everyone is so angry with.
I do acknowledge that we need to be aware of the blackness of our deeds before coming to Christ and how far we fall short of perfect with our best efforts. It is possible to become so wrapped up in the Grace of God that we take it for granted. There is an overwhelming joy at being released from our sins and those who are released from more and worse are all the more joyous. Also the suffering of Christ on our behalf is a beautiful testament to the Love God has for us. He didn't "just get over it" he paid for it out of his own blood and suffering. All this is true and important.
I tend to focus on the opposite problem because that's the one I see more often in modern Christianity. We get so wrapped up in our own failings that we forget to embrace the freedom Christ died to provide. The degree to which we hate ourselves is the degree to which we can't embrace the love of Christ.
Our God is so big that we live in a constant state of paradox. We are prisoners set free who choose to become slaves to God, which is the only way to remain free. We serve in order to lead, we must die in order to truly live. We must hate our lives to come to Christ who died to give us life abundant. We grow more Christ-like everyday even as we rot inside our physical bodies. We don't ever have to sin again and yet we know we will--still there is grace.
You can't feed this religion into a computer and make any sense of it, but when God speaks it all makes perfect sense. We can't confuse unworthiness with being worthless. What man or woman is truly worthy of the love your spouse gives you, much less God? Do we really deserve to receive gifts at Christmas or our birthdays? These things are given because to the person who gave them you are worth it. So while we are completely unworthy of salvation, especially at the cost of God's only son, because God provided salvation at the cost of his son that says we are worth it.
So we have to be careful not to engage in unbelief. Not the kind of unbelief that says there is no God, but the kind that says my sins are so black Christ didn't really die for all of them. We have to accept that we are loved beyond comprehension in order to fully embrace salvation. Its not enough to say God restored me to Him because he is good, we must believe that God wanted to do it because He loves us. When God feels his love radiating back at him its not complete without you, specifically you.
It's amazing how hard it is to say that though and not get called a prosperity preacher. Well so be it.
A. R. Bunch
Yep there is an interesting paradox at work here and Paul does a good job of getting at it.
I think this is the big difference between what I promote and the prosperity preachers everyone is so angry with.
I do acknowledge that we need to be aware of the blackness of our deeds before coming to Christ and how far we fall short of perfect with our best efforts. It is possible to become so wrapped up in the Grace of God that we take it for granted. There is an overwhelming joy at being released from our sins and those who are released from more and worse are all the more joyous. Also the suffering of Christ on our behalf is a beautiful testament to the Love God has for us. He didn't "just get over it" he paid for it out of his own blood and suffering. All this is true and important.
I tend to focus on the opposite problem because that's the one I see more often in modern Christianity. We get so wrapped up in our own failings that we forget to embrace the freedom Christ died to provide. The degree to which we hate ourselves is the degree to which we can't embrace the love of Christ.
Our God is so big that we live in a constant state of paradox. We are prisoners set free who choose to become slaves to God, which is the only way to remain free. We serve in order to lead, we must die in order to truly live. We must hate our lives to come to Christ who died to give us life abundant. We grow more Christ-like everyday even as we rot inside our physical bodies. We don't ever have to sin again and yet we know we will--still there is grace.
You can't feed this religion into a computer and make any sense of it, but when God speaks it all makes perfect sense. We can't confuse unworthiness with being worthless. What man or woman is truly worthy of the love your spouse gives you, much less God? Do we really deserve to receive gifts at Christmas or our birthdays? These things are given because to the person who gave them you are worth it. So while we are completely unworthy of salvation, especially at the cost of God's only son, because God provided salvation at the cost of his son that says we are worth it.
So we have to be careful not to engage in unbelief. Not the kind of unbelief that says there is no God, but the kind that says my sins are so black Christ didn't really die for all of them. We have to accept that we are loved beyond comprehension in order to fully embrace salvation. Its not enough to say God restored me to Him because he is good, we must believe that God wanted to do it because He loves us. When God feels his love radiating back at him its not complete without you, specifically you.
It's amazing how hard it is to say that though and not get called a prosperity preacher. Well so be it.
A. R. Bunch
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Grace and Same Sex Attraction
I wrote this in response to a emailed question about Same Sex Attraction in Christians.
---
I separate believers and non-believers when it comes to SSA, but of course its a journey. I believe homosexuality is a sin like any other sin. Christianity as a religion has done itself a disservice and totally misrepresented God's heart by setting homosexuality in a category of "super sins" which are extra abhorrent. I know you are asking specifically about lust but I'm setting up the background for my answer.
We spend too much time as churches, disapproving of the world in order to set ourselves apart, and very little spot-light is shown on growing as Christians ourselves. Christians are directed to look at the fruits in each other before accepting that someone is actually from Christ. We are to live closely together and grow as iron sharpens iron. I believe Christians are to be helping each other past things. I don't see anything that tells me I'm to pick on non-believers and show them my disgust at how they live. There is nothing edifying in that.
So when someone walks in the door of a church at an early stage of returning to Christ and they struggle with same sex attraction, it shouldn't be any different than if they were an alcoholic, or wife-beater, or pedophile. For that matter it shouldn't be any different than if they have one of the "acceptable sins" for Christians like neglecting your children, verbally berating your spouse, dishonoring your parents, pride, etc. It's no different than the sins Christians tolerate because they aren't very obvious like masturbation, envy, greed, or gluttony.
Same sex attraction is just a sin. It will fall away naturally as someone draws close to Christ. The things we must be weary of are the "Gateway Sins," the ones that we tolerate because we still kinda like them, or we don't know life without them, or we fear life without them. I think the big one these days is phariseeism. But pride, unbelief, and idolatry are core three. If we put our trust, fear, or hope in anything other than Christ we will fall prey to all the other sins. If we doubt that God can or will come through for us we will fall prey to the other sins.
So again the answer is "no," there is no difference between lusting after a man or lusting after a woman. The core desire of our hearts includes the desire to live in intimacy with men and women, our brothers and sisters in Christ, and if things wound our ability to experience that we are drawn to counterfeit ways of getting our needs met. True intimacy requires something of us, like trust, where lust requires nothing from us.
The best environment to deal with Same Sex Attraction in is a group of Godly men who will hold you accountable. If you are able to express your struggles and be accepted anyway you will begin to heal. The religion I grew up in constantly set themselves apart from the world by any manufactured means they could come up with. Instead of communicating God's love they came off as elitist.
One quick word about accountability though. Clearly I'm not talking about the kind of accountability that focuses on what you are doing or thinking, but the kind that focuses on where you're at. What you are suffering from is not as important as whether you are transparent about it. As long as our concern is intimacy with God we will do anything that will help including inviting our brothers into it. Conversely, if we make it about the problem then we are best served by hiding the problem and causing our brothers to feel like they need to go searching for the problem. While some friends will be able to give more targeted advice the truth is that anyone will do as a confessor as long as they can extend you grace.
For this reason Christianity has given those struggling with certain sins, especially homosexuality, nowhere to go to get better.
A. R. Bunch
---
I separate believers and non-believers when it comes to SSA, but of course its a journey. I believe homosexuality is a sin like any other sin. Christianity as a religion has done itself a disservice and totally misrepresented God's heart by setting homosexuality in a category of "super sins" which are extra abhorrent. I know you are asking specifically about lust but I'm setting up the background for my answer.
We spend too much time as churches, disapproving of the world in order to set ourselves apart, and very little spot-light is shown on growing as Christians ourselves. Christians are directed to look at the fruits in each other before accepting that someone is actually from Christ. We are to live closely together and grow as iron sharpens iron. I believe Christians are to be helping each other past things. I don't see anything that tells me I'm to pick on non-believers and show them my disgust at how they live. There is nothing edifying in that.
So when someone walks in the door of a church at an early stage of returning to Christ and they struggle with same sex attraction, it shouldn't be any different than if they were an alcoholic, or wife-beater, or pedophile. For that matter it shouldn't be any different than if they have one of the "acceptable sins" for Christians like neglecting your children, verbally berating your spouse, dishonoring your parents, pride, etc. It's no different than the sins Christians tolerate because they aren't very obvious like masturbation, envy, greed, or gluttony.
Same sex attraction is just a sin. It will fall away naturally as someone draws close to Christ. The things we must be weary of are the "Gateway Sins," the ones that we tolerate because we still kinda like them, or we don't know life without them, or we fear life without them. I think the big one these days is phariseeism. But pride, unbelief, and idolatry are core three. If we put our trust, fear, or hope in anything other than Christ we will fall prey to all the other sins. If we doubt that God can or will come through for us we will fall prey to the other sins.
So again the answer is "no," there is no difference between lusting after a man or lusting after a woman. The core desire of our hearts includes the desire to live in intimacy with men and women, our brothers and sisters in Christ, and if things wound our ability to experience that we are drawn to counterfeit ways of getting our needs met. True intimacy requires something of us, like trust, where lust requires nothing from us.
The best environment to deal with Same Sex Attraction in is a group of Godly men who will hold you accountable. If you are able to express your struggles and be accepted anyway you will begin to heal. The religion I grew up in constantly set themselves apart from the world by any manufactured means they could come up with. Instead of communicating God's love they came off as elitist.
One quick word about accountability though. Clearly I'm not talking about the kind of accountability that focuses on what you are doing or thinking, but the kind that focuses on where you're at. What you are suffering from is not as important as whether you are transparent about it. As long as our concern is intimacy with God we will do anything that will help including inviting our brothers into it. Conversely, if we make it about the problem then we are best served by hiding the problem and causing our brothers to feel like they need to go searching for the problem. While some friends will be able to give more targeted advice the truth is that anyone will do as a confessor as long as they can extend you grace.
For this reason Christianity has given those struggling with certain sins, especially homosexuality, nowhere to go to get better.
A. R. Bunch
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
A Moment of Inspiration
I want to apologize for neglecting this blog. I have been super busy lately and it seems like this blog gets the very last effort I have. Strangely enough its one of the projects I'm most excited about. Here's a story you may find inspiring, and we'll see if I can get back to writing here soon.
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